Emotional Babies

I can no longer maturely handle the number of emotionally-crippled grown men who cross my path these days.

I mean what is up with that? 

Has the traditional definition of manliness changed? I’m not saying that men can’t be emotional. I mean a man who can’t say how he feels or communicate his thoughts and emotions...I just can’t deal.

This is probably why we’re finding more and more women taking the lead these days and becoming the aggressors.

While I might be considered somewhat ogre-like since I have no patience for that at my age, I should probably consider the factors contributing to the issue.

This emotional chasm, I’m told, could stem from a fear of appearing weak; an inability to communicate or even an unfounded sense of privacy. It could also be a result of cultural socialization or just that some men have never been called upon to communicate emotion.

My response to these is: if two mature, sensible adults commit to a relationship, then there ought to be level of trust. This trust, in my mind, should work as an antidote to the issue of appearing weak. There should be no fear of each other in the safety of a functioning relationship. A man should be able to either communicate this fear in an effort to feel comfortable enough to share emotion and/or tamp down the fear and share emotion.

An inability to communicate in general is quite a common issue, I think. Being unable to articulate and illustrate one’s thoughts is, however, a curable illness. With willpower and practise, that could be a redundant issue and one can then move on to communicating emotion- which is in fact different from sharing thoughts and facts.

That said, here’s what I really want to say: relationships are about helping the other person to become a better version of his/her self...among other things. 

Of what use is a relationship if one is ineffective or simply unable to share feelings? Even relationships distant from emotions like work relationships and others require sharing. Aren’t relationships based on emotion?

It’s black and white in my mind: how do you find, woo and claim a woman without being able to tell her how she makes you feel, what you see in her and what she means to you? Did you only say it once and never again? Should she hold on to that dimming memory of three years ago when you hastily conjured up what you thought she wanted to hear? Are you a baby who can only communicate by waving your arms and kicking your legs?

I was hoping that in my lifetime I would only happen upon just one emotionally-stunted man but not so it seems. And from discussions with others, it’s more common than I thought.

It is generally accepted (unfairly so) that women are the emotional ones in a relationship but what happens when the woman needs a hand herself? What happens when she feels overwhelmed and needs assurance or some sort of comfort? Will we both twiddle our thumbs and look around awkwardly?

Only so many women have the patience to gently prod and guide; only some are okay with mothering an emotional cripple; others just CAN’T deal. How can I take a man seriously if he can't speak two words to save his relationship? What kind of man is that?

What then? Ok let’s do it this just this one time:

Women       

- Teach the men in your life how to share feelings and emotions.
-Expect more from the men in your life. Don’t settle for just body language and emoticons.
-Be less critical of the men in your life who try to show emotion (and who sometimes fail)
-Try to help. Have a conversation about emotional development.
-All men are not the same. Leave the past in the past.

Men            

- Think about meeting your girl halfway.

-It's really not awkward, practise.

- Strong men have feelings too. It makes them human.

I’m telling you this is more serious than you think. Do a quick Google search on Love Languages. 

You’ll find that people communicate their love differently. You will also find that while some cannot speak it, they can show it. 

Conversely, if my language requires that I hear how you feel, no matter how much you show it, I may not see it.

Summarily, grow up, babies.