Jarna's Infallible Law of...Burning Bridges

I have been told, and have had the bittersweet privilege of learning for myself that all relationships are not created equal. I’ll take for granted that you already know this and will hereby proceed to the crux of the matter.

Every relationship, whether we admit it or not, exists solely because there is something to be mutually gained as a result. It follows therefore that if there is nothing to be gained, the relationship either fizzles out or should be actively burnt.

I know it sounds harsh; and had I not found such success with this, I would not be here preaching from this here soapbox.

The difficulty that you find in agreeing with me right away comes from not understanding clearly what is meant by ‘something to gain.’

By this, I most certainly do not mean money, gifts or anything tangible at all. I believe the correct term for this exchange describes an illegal action...

Something to gain here means something from this other person which adds great benefit to your life, your time, your spirit, your journey.

I refer here to intangible things, for I find those infinitely more valuable that those which can be stolen or succumb to rot.

Those relationships I enjoy best right now act as bottomless wells of abounding benefits. Those I consider friends provide something for me that maybe nobody else can or that I enjoy from them best. Maybe I enjoy that person’s company, that person’s advice, that person’s smarts, his or her sense of confidence or any combination of these and other qualities.

While some may be averse to the idea of being used for something, I like to feel that I’m useful. I have no problem being used for my good qualities to add value to someone else’s life.

Although gratifying to dip from the bottomless well of abounding benefits that is your friend, it serves to logic that you too must be deemed useful.

Any person who is not useful is therefore useless, and of what need is a useless person to a productive, ambitious one?

At this point, it is logical to ask what that has to do with bridges. I have rambled on because there is only one rule to burning bridges: If it leads nowhere, burn it.

Harsh? Yes, I know but necessary. The people who have subtly disappeared from my life are those relationships which have either fizzled out on their own or been actively burnt.

The only hiccup is if you’re one of those who feel uncomfortable cutting people off. That can only mean that you are comfortable with people leaching from you without giving anything back. We all have those people who always need from us with never a thing to give. This person always needs to borrow something, or a ride to somewhere, or a listening ear but is never available to provide any of those things in return. You call them leeches; I call them bridges-pointless ones. 

I think they’re better described as bridges because I see life as a journey with many paths competing for my attention. Because this is my journey, everybody else is a bridge for me. I have no need for leeches on a journey...

Every person or bridge leads somewhere and it is now up to me to take this bridge or not. Say I’m going north and your bridge leads south. I have no need for a bridge leading to the opposite of where I want to go, I can safely say, I do not need this bridge, it only promises more walking and a needless detour. I will, without a qualm or second thought, burn that bridge.

Closing remarks? Keep your friends close and your matches closer.