Jarna's Infallible Law of... Long-distance Relationships

It’s a subject that everybody has an opinion on, a large number find it impractical and doomed for failure while some consider it workable and others will count numerous and specific qualities required to make such an arrangement feasible

I’m talking about long-distance relationships and although a skeptic for many years, I’m now one who feels that given the right ingredients, absence can make the heart grow fonder.

The first five laws deal with those mushy concepts that accompany any successful relationship. Those concepts here however are quite indispensable.

1.   Commitment- Both parties must be devoted enough to the relationship to want to surmount any obstacle presented. I also suggest that couples use as their theme song, Akon’s “Nobody.” I’m joking. But the concept is there. Fight for your relationship like you fight for anything else that you’re told you can’t have. Tackle the obstacles like Romeo and Juliet -  without the morbid ending.

2.   Patience- In addition to commitment, the relationship impacted by distance must be seasoned with patience. Although devoted, both persons will need buckets of patience to deal with the missed calls, the different time zones, the lonely Valentines Days, the long social events without your other half, the double dates that you can’t attend, the barrage of questions and opinions from your friends...and the list goes on and on...enough patience is required to protect you from all the sad times ahead.

3.   Understanding- Many failed long-distance relationships result from lack of understanding. Patience and understanding are twins here because you are required to understand that although your other half misses you and wants to call, he or she probably needs sleep more. You might feel like sacrifices are in order and that’s true but you cannot dictate the extent of someone’s sacrifice. What may be a sacrifice for you may not be for another. Both parties must understand human nature and accept it for what it is: flawed.

4.   Communication-I firmly believe that the number one killer of those trying relationships is communication: whether lack of or over-communicating. The key is to find a balance. To put it simply; what will help keep you together is being able to communicate like you guys were next to each other while avoiding bogging down the relationship with too much talk. Yes, that is possible. So you don’t talk everyday-that will happen, significantly more important that talking everyday is the quality of your communication. Also, learn the difference between communicating and talking. That will help.

5.   Honesty-it gets tricky here. Each person is different; find what works for you two. Do you consider honesty telling every detail of everything when asked, or not withholding important information? I like to go by, ‘If you don’t want to know the honest answer, don’t ask.' I don’t feel it necessary to list trust here because that’s elementary. Honesty is the grown up version.

Here we deal with more practical aspects of relationship survival.

6.   Avoid over thinking- I consider over-thinking to be a curse of being female. Although guys do it, it’s safe to say that women tend to over-think like crazy. That curse can also be a blessing sometimes but mostly it’s a curse. For long-distance relationships, it’s definitely a curse. Monitoring social media profiles and interpreting one word answers are not only passé but stressful and dangerous. Sometimes, what he/she says it is, IS WHAT IT IS!

7.   Relationship vs Sex- It gets even trickier here but let’s be practical. One should understand that there is a major difference between a relationship and sex, and both parties should first understand that difference. I consider it unreasonable for any party to demand unwavering celibacy from the other when faced with difficult time and space constraints...but that’s just me. To me, sometimes, cheating isn’t always a horrible monster.

8.   Boundaries- Naturally boundaries will follow a controversial point such as the previous one. Clarify CLEARLY what the boundaries are.

9.   Constant re-evaluation- to avoid prolonging the demise of a sinking ship, it’s essential to repeatedly (alone and as a couple) identify the plans and objectives of the relationship and determine how important the relationship is to you both. It sometimes happens that after two people survive the wait, they find they no longer wish to remain together...what a waste.

10.  Finally, live your life! Because your other half is gone for a while doesn’t mean that your life is on hold. It’s freeing to know that your boo is ok and you are ok although you’re both oceans apart. You wouldn’t want to impose restrictive misery on your other half, would you? So go out, meet people, have fun, try new things and be you, and encourage the same. That would only guarantee more things to talk about when next you  speak.

That said, long-distance relationships don’t have to be constricting and torturous. It’s hard enough knowing that your boo is miles away without you making it harder.