The Difference Between A Woman And A Lady

Are you familiar with the word ‘couth’? If you’re female in particular, you should be.

What about ‘uncouth’? Do you know that one? From my occasional incursions into our lovely city, more females know this word than its opposite.

The simple definition of the word ‘couth’ is “cultured, refined and well-mannered.”

An even simpler definition lies in the saying, “Ladies should be seen and not heard.”

Key word: Ladies.

It is not very often that we use the word ‘lady’ in our culture; is it because none exist? I fear the ratchets may have eaten them all.

Unfortunately we do not live in Victorian times when every girl was groomed from birth into ladyship however I propose that the beginning need not predict the end.

In these times in which we live, being ratchet is more celebrated than being a lady or being couth. On one hand, some take offense at being referred to as ghetto and ratchet while simultaneously working towards that not-so-lofty goal. Why? Because it looks cool on tv.

Assuming that we, readers, are all black people, I dare to ask ‘Aren’t you tired of being a sideshow?’

Our once proud black women are being given million dollar contracts to act a fool on television and in public just to use that money to amp up the ghetto appeal just a bit more. Give a pig a million dollars, will it get out of the mud? Therefore, there’s more to aspire to than being a rich woman if you still think being uncouth is cool.

I’m certain that very few Dominicans actually come from real ghettos on this island. Many more were raised in decent homes where needs were met and values were taught; so why are so many young girls and women so...uncouth?

As I write this, I see a slideshow of neon talons; long, tangled fluorescent weaves; three-sizes-too-small clothing and clown makeup. But before I see evidence of that classy trend, I hear them. A heard of cackling wildebeests howling to announce their arrival. Clapping with every statement, laughing like it has life-giving powers and shouting every statement or question...statements and questions that are the epitome of ignorance. Giving credence to the thought that really, there’s nothing behind those garish faces.

Some readers may take offense at this and I welcome it with this question: What about that description says cultured, refined and well-mannered. Let’s go one by one.

Cultured; characterized by refined taste and manners and good education

Refined taste means, in this context, that you are selective: about the company you keep, the things you borrow, the places you go, the clothes you wear, your recreational activities, your language and so on...

One may not even be as privileged to have a good education so let’s scratch that too. But good manners? Priceless. With a little ambition to always be better and always learn more, we can easily find ourselves on the way to ladyship.

Refined; elegant and cultured in appearance, manner or taste

Do people (both men and women) care for elegance this days?

Why go for elegance when one can wear gaudy jewellery and reflective and unflattering but trendy clothing just to be in the mix?

Why be seen when one can be heard...from two streets away?

Why calmly resolve a situation or scold a child when one can ‘get on’ like a headless banshee?

Why refinement when one can generally be a spectacle on a daily basis and more so on special occasions?

Well-mannered; properly-behaved, courteous, polite

Well-mannered women do not fight, make fun of random people, insult others, abuse their children or publicise private things. Well-mannered women are not proud to be ratchet.

What, then, is the difference between a woman and a lady? Couth.