To Be Or Not To Be...

 

Note: Rant ahead!

I feel obligated to share my thoughts on this issue although I never saw the need before today. I never saw the need because I figure that social media has been around long enough for people-nay, responsible adults to know how to properly use it. As it appears, I was wrong. I’ll be blunt and concise.

I was messaged this morning by a woman who I only know by face. This message came a few minutes after I posted birthday greetings on the wall of a guy I know. Apparently, she was his woman. That’s none of my business because I have no romantic interest in this guy and vice versa.

This woman in a roundabout way at first wanted to know what the extent of my relationship was with this guy. I think that was pretty dumb seeing as there is no indication that I speak to this guy more than once a year.

Anyway, I didn’t give the message more attention than I felt prudent but this grown women-who is older than me, mind you-insisted on messaging me repeatedly until she advised me to “know my place.’

Some of you, readers may see nothing strange in that because that’s life and maybe it has happened to you before...maybe you deserved it too. But imagine my surprise, more than surprise. I was quite disappointed. This is a woman who could be anything she wants to be. She could recreate herself in any way to me since I don’t know her personally. She could have put her best foot forward and who knows; she could have been my best friend in time, respected and loved by her circle and others from afar. Yet, she chose to make her mark as the “Bad One.”

The world is chock full of Bad Ones with a few Smart Ones interspersed here and there. Though Smart is a minority group, the members can never lose their place unlike Bad which has to constantly be proven.

The next logical question therefore is whether it is more profitable to be the Bad One or the Smart One.

Let’s examine the similarities between the two:

They both see value in gaining respect; neither of them significantly compromises their opinions or beliefs without good reason; they both succeed in getting the attention which causes them to stand out.

The differences are that while the Bad One will attempt to bully and antagonise everybody else to gain respect, the Smart One will choose her battles and use wisdom and charisma to gain respect.

Also, the opinions and beliefs of Bad are usually ones on subjects of fleeting value to society. For example, Bad considers ‘swag’ and appearance as important while Smart understands resourcefulness and individuality as truly worthwhile. Another example? Bad will run broke following trends and looking good while Smart will seek to set trending standards and earn a name as a forward-thinker.

The Bad One will scrutinise every post on her man’s Wall and have passwords to everything and perform routine checks much to her man’s embarrassment.

She will also see drama where there is none and seek to create scandalous situations through which she can prove herself intelligent and loyal.

Maybe in real life this might seem the best claim to fame but looking at it typed out like this, I feel foolish just for writing it.

I may not be the smartest monkey in the zoo but I prefer Smart to Bad solely because smart never ages but bad does.

I’m not trying to be a hypocrite because I absolutely believe that there are situations when Smart gets Bad and that’s necessary sometimes. However in situations like these, it’s smarter to keep one’s eyes on the long-term prize. That prize is always much bigger than a man.

I believe that a man should be allowed to be a man; no worthwhile man wants some chick fighting all his battles. I like to think that women want men who like being men and taking charge of things.

Women like to be reassured over and over (much like a guy likes his ego stroked I imagine.) When that doesn’t happen, seeds of insecurity begin to grow and we seek subtle ways of reassuring ourselves. It’s natural but Smart Ones take up the initiative to create avenues through which our men will have no choice but to reassure us. Gifts, trips, dinners, etc.

Needless to say, Bad Ones will never conceive such things.

I say all of this because this is the subject on which most women dispute. Although, we’re ashamed to admit, usually the root cause of Bad Ones acting out or even becoming Bad, is a man. That in itself is tragic. I’m not preaching gender superiority or Women’s Lib but observe the relationships that men have...why can’t we have that?

At one point, I was attracted to a very nice guy at the same time that a girlfriend of mine was. It had the potential to be awkward and ugly because at the time she was seeking my advice about him. I didn’t know at first that she was referring to this guy. Then when I did, to me it was too late to say anything, so I didn’t. She found out anyway and I will forever respect her for handling the situation the way she did, she subtly let me know that she knew and that was that. I think we both backed off in deference to the other. And now? We three are totally cool.

Why can’t that happen more often?

A disadvantage of being the Bad One is that you never really have any friends. Maybe one or two but you can tell right away that their loyalty is fleeting for there is no honour among thieves.

On another note, the entire situation is unfortunate to me because here we are as women trying to make our mark on the world and earn a place as ‘good enough’ to compete while there are slackers in our ranks making us look bad; causing our competition to mock us pointing out the disunity and traitors in our midst.

Can you think back on one or two persons from high school who teachers either ignored completely or pleaded with all the time?

Where are they now? I know a few: one is in jail for snatching jewellery off people’s necks in town; another I see from time to time working odd jobs looking so much older than the rest of his age group; another went onto become a rapist; and so on and so forth...

My conclusion is that being the Bad One is one of those things that are completely useless in a few years much like trends and old photographs. We’ll look back and say, “What was I thinking?!”