Conned by a Con...woman?

We’ve all been there: boy meets girl; boy is amazed by girl; boy and girl have whirlwind romance; boy learns that girl isn’t perfect; boy flips out. It’s happened to us all. No? Well it’s happened to me and I’m pissed off about it!

I revamped an epiphany I had months ago and decided to write about it. My intention was to write about the many heartbreaks that girls endure but I kept procrastinating maybe because in my heart of hearts I know if I were a reader, I wouldn’t be impressed. What would impress me though, would be if I wrote about the one heartbreak that the average guy endures in his blissful lifetime. Brilliant, right?

Well Reader, I suspect I might have been one of those heartbreaks, albeit unwittingly…

I met this guy and I was smitten- this guy was beautiful in every way with the right amount of cockiness sprinkled here and there. Not to mention he was equally amazed by me. This had the makings of a perfect whirlwind. Like whirlwind romances which typically come out of nowhere, disappear into nowhere and leave you spinning, this one disappeared into nowhere and I think we were both left spinning.

While I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions from the disappearance of the romance, I suspect he merely felt conned- safe to ascertain as well that he considers me the perpetrator.

Now let me make it clear, Reader, that while I’m female, I don’t condone many of the tricks and attitudes commonly attributed to womankind. When women act foolish and are outed as such, I am among those who clap the loudest.

That said, you can believe me when I say that some…okay many times…women connive, manipulate and plainly bamboozle gentle and undeserving guys. Say you’re one who feels conned by a clever crookess:

     1.       Identify the con.

Can you in fact point to a clear instance of being lied to, cheated on or fooled by one of my kind? I can appreciate that sometimes the con is mental and you are unable to clearly identify it-in which case, Honey you’re in very deep…

Can you confidently say that the rip-off was intentional and premeditated or is it merely a feeling of being treated unfairly?

Sometimes what you perceive as a blatant rip off is really not. Before you get upset and label me a traitor, I’ll explain. We all know those optical illusions which, at first glance, seem like one image and from a different angle is another. In a roundabout way, what I’m trying to say is that if you guys would slow down for a minute and have a conversation with the so-called conwoman, you would realize that what you believed to be a con was really not. Now I’m not referring to those sentencing trials which serve as an avenue for you guys to yell at women without allow a chance to explain. I mean erase your perceptions and look at the situation objectively. Look for sense and genuinely try to understand. From there you can prove whether the con was in fact a con or whether it was miscommunication. By the way, I know one guy who is very dear to my heart but our entire relationship is peppered with misunderstandings or miscommunications dressed as real issues. Go figure.

So-called relationship experts say that people never show their true colours for most of the duration of a relationship. I’m not an expert which probably explains why I find that so hard to believe. The fact is that people see what they want to see. For how long can I successfully fool you by showing you only the best parts of me? The way I see it, for however long I’m able to conceal the ‘real me’ is me buying time to show you that I’m worth knowing. The intention is that, by the time i slip up-as we humans often do-you will know enough about me to see my potential to be better.

     2.       Attribute the con to the ‘Conner’.

After accurately determining that you have been swindled, you ought to now figure out to whom the con belongs.

Many of the guys I know would catch their woman in a con and never say anything. They would just disappear or drift away with no explanation for their distrust and anger. While that may make perfect sense to you guys, that’s not the way women are wired. We need closure and we need to talk about it to ensure that there are no unresolved issues. Your girl conned you and you’re pissed off. Tell her so. Distribute the emotions. Give her all of the blame if it’s her fault. Was it somehow your fault? Take it then.  If it’s nobody’s fault then it’s a moot point.

     3.       Own it.

Have the emotions been fairly distributed? What then? Are you going to declare war on womankind? Don’t be an idiot, all women are not the same? I say all the time that all men can’t pay for one man’s sin. The same is true for women. Naturally, you will learn from your mistakes but release yourself from your inhibitions and live free to give again. Bitter people only age horribly.

Is it a situation where it was her fault and you’re still in awe of the perfect girl you met that one time and whose image is indelibly printed on your mind? Why beat yourself up? Don’t deny yourself the few pleasures that life allows us. Friends are quick to say who is to dump whom but you’re the one who knows how you feel and how much that girl meant to you. Maybe it’s your lot in life to forgive. After all, who knows what the Fates hold.

 If you can believe that womankind can be mightily unfair to you, then you can also believe that sometimes we really aren’t…sometimes, an obvious con is merely an instance of our imperfections shining through.

*Con- to swindle; trick; to persuade by deception.