Does Anybody Listen Anymore?

Do you know anyone who actually listens anymore?

I was talking with a girl friend recently; we had gotten together to “catch up.” Naturally, I first listened to her troubles and victories, little funny stories from when we last spoke and so on; regular girl talk. After one particular story, I ventured to input my two cents since I had been in similar situations and thought I would share- you know, like how regular people ought to communicate. No sooner than I had introduced my own testimony, I was overrun by something else on her mind. I took it in stride and eventually the conversation turned to something else as they are wont to do. This time, it was the exact situation I was coming out of at that time and she was clearly looking for some advice or encouragement. I wasn’t deluded that I had the answers she needed but I could tell her how my story ended and how I dealt with my emotions at the time. I started this time a little more assertively because I wanted to get that point across and I thought it made for funny and practical conversation too. Again, I was interrupted and I allowed the conversation to follow her direction.

Ok, maybe it was just that sort of day for her.

Fine. Another day, I was the one who wanted to talk about something that I was dealing with and in which she may/may not have an interest. I didn’t make any moves to talk though. Eventually, she sought me out, asked what was going on and I started to share. I was interrupted so many times and made to listen to her own issues or comparisons to her own ‘better’ life that I just quit and vowed never again.

I say all of this to say this: does anybody listen anymore? 

I know, that was just one example but in our own lives we have so many, don’t we?

I’m finding that less people listen than those who want to be listened to. It’s true; we have things on our minds and fulfilling lives with little shareable tales and questions we want answered but doesn’t everybody? 

I’ll admit my own guilt. I’ve been in a range of situations and can easily liken them to others so I tend to want to encourage by saying that I’ve been there and this is what happened but that might mean that I should listen more.

Listening doesn’t mean just being quiet; it also means absorbing and understanding what the other person is saying. We can still mess up there by formulating responses in the meantime or trying so hard to understand that we spend the time imagining what we would do in that situation.

It’s definitely an imperfect world. The evidence is everywhere.

I have problems with someone who wants me to listen but doesn’t do the same. Like many other things, conversation is a two-way street. 

In the case of my friend who doesn’t know how to listen, I think our relationship might be changed because I no longer feel inclined to listen to her and I’m less likely to share with her. What good is that sort of relationship?

By talking so much or interrupting so much we are missing so much- everything even...maybe even an avenue through which we can be more useful, maybe cries for help.

It’s easy to think of an infinite list of people who don’t listen but let’s just try not to be that person.

Let’s self-evaluate:

When was the last time I contacted a friend to ask what’s going on?

When was the last time I listened with no interruptions?

How often do I assume that I know what the speaker is going to say next and pre-empt it?

Do I feel compelled to share?

Might I be considered an over sharer?

How often am I asked my opinion vs. volunteering it?

What are your findings? 

With that analysis in mind, let’s go out and try to listen more. 

Let’s be better friends, advisors, employees, employers, family and people.