Marriage and Magicians

Does ­­­marriage change people? If yes, should it?

Hmmm the jury might be out on this one but permit me to organise my thoughts here. I’m one of those who imagine that I’ll be happily married one day. Although, I don’t dream and plan right now, I just figure it will happen eventually but if it can be proven that marriage changes people in a way I find ridiculous, I may reconsider. These are my burning questions.

Is loss of identity guaranteed?

Based on my experiences with females and social media, relationships seem to change a lot of women, so I can well imagine what marriage would do. It never ceases to irk me when two people get together and suddenly one person’s social media profile is so integrated with his (usually her)  partner that it’s hard to identify which profile is whose. Is there no way to maintain ones identity after marriage?

It irritates me as well that a person would change his or her personality to suit somebody else. My favourite example is that a guy meets a girl and absolutely loves her in short skirts, then they get together and he is annoyed when she wears short skirts. Conversely, a girl meets a guy and thinks his shyness is sweet then wants to ridicule him later on because he is too soft.

Must I sacrifice my independence?

In budding relationships, silly girls are tickled by their boyfriends’ insistence to do this, wear that, go there, say that; they find it sexy or something. Odd. To me, as girls we struggle against authority with so much passion, God forbid somebody try to dictate our lives. Yet, this guy comes into our lives and suddenly, “Tom doesn’t want me to go to any house parties without him nuh...” or “Tom says he prefers my hair long...”

Naturally, situations like that instil the fear of God in me so I will avoid them at all costs.

Will I expect my partner to become perfect?

We decry this misconception all the time. Why do people expect their partner to change as soon as they say ‘I do’? My brother claims that it’s hypocrisy for a girlfriend to refuse to wash, iron and cook for her boyfriend because they are not married. He asks what will happen if they do get married? While I don’t believe those tasks come with the title of wife, I think I get his premise. Will you magically transform into a wifely wife on honeymoon night? At the same time, if this guy is never at home, always on the road roaming to and fro, will he suddenly become Mr Family Man who sits at home with his family watching tv on weeknights? I strongly doubt.

Does marriage make cheaters faithful?

Honestly! Does getting pregnant make a man love you? The answer is no!

On the other hand, I think it’s a mental thing. I don’t think cheating is an in-bred personality. I’m one who believes that while some people claim once a cheater always a cheater, cheaters can stop at anytime. But thats just me- a tad unconventional.

That said, does marriage change people? I’m leaning to no. Should it? Probably.

I’m all for positive changes. I believe that relationships are meant to help each person become better versions of themselves. Just that- better versions not different people.

Unless the priest is an accomplished magician...