...For The Single Ones

I wondered to myself recently why such stigma is attached to being single.* 

No person can convince me that no stigma exists. It is sometimes subtle, sometimes overt and other times bordering just on the edge of political correctness. But there must be some sort of imagined disgrace in being single because so many people are ashamed of it.

While every person claims someone else and every other person claims to be single and stress-free, there are still others who are under real pressure to be in relationships.

So who are these people who keep succumbing? Or is it a front? And why, if it’s okay to be single, are some fronting?

There are two types of singles- those who are by choice and those who just happen to be for varied reasons. Then there are those happy and unhappy ones in each category.

So which is it for you? Single and happy or single and searching? And which is better?

Let’s lay out the points of this age-old argument.

What are some disadvantages of being single?

1.           No reliable romantic company to go out. Single and genuinely happy people only realise they’re single when they feel like doing something intimate: a particular show, dinner or event.

2.           Slimmer chance of a family of your own. Who can knock that reason? Lots of people want families and the happily single ones may one day look up from their full lives and realise that the opportunity has passed them by.

3.           More temptation to casually fill the need. You know what I mean. You have these high moral standards and you’re good but every once in a while, a fire blazes long and hot in the absence of a fireman...

Now, a few advantages:

1.           The space and time to perfect yourself. Maybe you’ve heard it said before but I don’t mind repeating: with no significant other to which to cater and for whom to be perfect coupled with your willingness to grow, you have all the ingredients you require for a better you. There are so many ways to go about this. Take a class, work on your professional advancement, save money for the future, work out the kinks in your physical appearance, practise being nice to yourself and most importantly, practise being ok with just yourself.

2.           The appropriate distance for observation. Often, the view is better from afar. Looking at the relationships around you from the outside, you have a much clearer perspective of what to do and what not to do. True, you don’t have to be single to notice but it does make you more objective. You can take the time to discover what you would like in a partner (if you’re single by chance) or what you’re glad you’ll never have (if you’re single by choice) :p

3.           Single people have the freedom to do and be whatever they want to. You thought I would say this first but I intentionally put it last and I’ll explain why. I put this last because I honestly think attached people are still generally free. There’s no reason to allow yourself to be bound to this other person’s intentions, plans, choices, personality and yes, that person’s ...physical person. Single people should use the opportunity to achieve some goals that may otherwise be delayed or compromised by a relationship. You can travel freely, explore hobbies, be a social butterfly and do practically whatever you want with your spare time. The world is your oyster!

So there, we have established some pros and cons. What now?

          If you take a moment to honestly reflect on your life and your wants and needs, you’ll realise that no person can make you really truly happy. Single people ought to be happy alone and happy with themselves before somebody else can complement that happiness. Unhappy people certainly can’t make others happy.

          Imagine the frustration of one person doing all they can to satisfy someone else who has deeper rooted issues than can ever be confessed. It’s like trying to pacify a baby who ultimately just wants to be left alone.

          There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. It doesn’t have to mean that you’re lonely or unhappy. Conversely, it doesn’t make you any better than attached people. It means that you must decide for yourself.

There’s no disgrace in being single either. There’s no reason to fake happiness; that just makes you insecure. You don’t have to be desperate or angry or bitter; you don’t have to put down others or see fake happiness everywhere (that makes you insecure, too). Just be you.

By living life to the fullest one day at a time and going slow, you’ll eventually come to be happy alone, or love yourself more or, if that’s the plan, be with someone who could be everything you wanted. After all this time of self-development, you may well be what this person wanted too!

* There are two definitions of singleness: not married and not in a relationship. For the purpose of this argument, we’ll choose B.